The Art of Listening

I sees many posts from LA, NHS and organisations all asking for public opinion, these same organisations then go on to say the government needs to listen to what people are saying. This is a very important aspect of involvement and inclusion, without the publics voices we do not know what is wrong or what we need to improve. 

Through my advocacy work, I have learnt that there are many different ways to listen. The first step is to establish what they want to achieve and what the outcome should be. Next they need to know why you are enquiring, what will proceed after and the outcome that is being searched for.

Surprisingly not everyone wants everything to be fixed. Some people just want to be heard, the relief of sharing your issues and having someone really listen can in a lot of cases be exactly what someone needs. Even this step has skills, one is to listen without interrupting, the second is to affirm what they are saying and confirm that you are listening. The third skill is to try and understand and acknowledge the emotion. Sometimes you may need to use all three.

Here is a story I heard about this type of listening. A little boy was late getting home one day. When he finally showed up, his worried mother asked, “Where have you been?” The little boy explained, “I stopped to help a friend whose bicycle had broken down”. “But you don’t know how to fix a bicycle”, his mother said.“That’s true” replied the little boy, “But I stopped to be with him while he cried.”

The next lot of listening comes as problem solving, some people need to air their concerns and want you to give them alternative or different solutions. This is listening cooperatively, again it may not need fixing, just offer a range of ideas that can be considered. 

The last area is people often where people want you to listen and fix the issues. This takes a bit more effort. Often in my advocacy work it takes a lot of effort to get to the heart of the problem, identify what it is and how they want it to be solved. You need to wade through the chaff to find the wheat. Often strong emotions are involved as the cases can be very personal, whereby you can offer empathy. Find the specific problems, note them down, offer solutions and then let them decide on how to proceed. It may not solve the issues, but it might start them off in the right direction.

Many organisations ask for opinions via questionnaires, my view is that this is not listening. The questions will always be weighted towards an answer that they want to hear. I have often participated in these questionnaires and thought that the right question is not being asked. It might be written incorrectly or not offer the correct answering format. I often want to suggest alternative solutions and there is often not an opportunity for this. Some organisations may even meet up but again it always seems conducive to thier needs and want, it  never feels like its an open environment. 

I have sat on both sides of this and always found that being honest is the best solution. If you do not know, find out by such and such a date and get back to the person. If your wrong or made a mistake then that is fine too. We are human, but it then has to be put right. Apologies are not enough, action has to be taken quickly for issues to be rectified. There is also a great deal of power in saying it might not be fixable but you are willing to look at it. Please do not go down the route of ‘it is not my problem’. This puts up walls to having successful dialogue. 

Many organisations will look at individual issues as a complaint, but will not analyse the data to spot patterns and reoccurring issues, which can help show long term organisational  issues. Once these patterns are established then it is imperative that a plan is put in place to tackle the problems. Too many organisations do great work, however they tend to spot the problems without going on to challenge and offer solutions. For me, searching for solutions is the most rewarding part. Listening should not be just short term here and now, but the information should be gathered to show the bigger picture. 

One of the areas I have seen some movement is more organisations saying "you said we did". It tries to show something is being done, however even here you need to listen by asking what people need. I have seen quite a few recently where the ‘we did’, seemed nothing to do with the ‘you said’. In other words, no solution was found. 

As with all listening, please remember to follow up. People talking to you can be emotionally draining, it may also sometimes bring other anguishes to the surfaces which have been buried. You need to revisit and ask how people are, it shows that you listen and were concerned enough to go back and ask. Sometimes a text or quick email is all you need. For larger scale exercises the above ‘you said we did’, if done properly can be a help in affirming that a person has been heard and something is being done. 

Over the years I have learnt that it is not enough to just listen or hear, you need to bring in other problem solving skill to make it effective. But the most important thing is to discover what solution the person is looking for if any. If you listen with your ears, you will hear only words, if you listen truly with your heart you will see the different shades of a person's story. This then allows you to be fully attuned to the needs of the person.