PA/Carers guide to understanding your employer

 

I often wonder how I can get my team of great carers to work better, more efficiently, making both our lives easier whilst maintaining a fun environment.

I know from a number of forums I follow that there are often frustrations between employers and carers. I have a team of 7 on a 24/7 cover. My disabilities mean that I am non-ambulant and have very little use of my hands. Speaking, eating even breathing is sometimes difficult. Yet I feel I live a good, content and meaningful life. Much of this is thanks to my PA/Carers.

When you have this much care, most of your time is spent with your carers. These people become close to you. You have to depend on them for some of your most basic needs. Yes they're paid employees yet I feel they are so much more than that. Each one feels like a member of the family.

It's not easy for anyone to let another person into their lives. It’s hard to imagine a situation where, after only hours of knowing someone, you would let them have responsibility for this much of your day to day. Relationships with friends and partners take time to build, yet carers see you in some very vulnerable situations almost immediately.

I like to say to my carers that as they're are spending time in my home, I want them to be as comfortable as possible. I often say they should treat it as their own home.

But what they have to understand is that this also means taking on the responsibilities of my home, as if it were there own.

If something essential breaks, they need to fix it. If there’s food rotting in the fridge, they need to throw it out, if something spills they need to clean it up. Being part of my home means doing all these things just like they would do in their own home.

If I could do it I would do these things myself, my home is an extension of myself, so of course I want it to be comfortable and presentable. When anyone comes into your house, they see more of you, it gives people an impression. Since I can’t maintain the house myself, this makes my carers my ambassadors. When they take care of my home as if it were their own, it creates a great impression for both of us.

It’s good to have pride in your appearance, and I would say that all of my time are good at this. But as my ambassador, they also have to extend that pride to me as well. As I can’t shave or take care of laundry myself, it falls to them to make sure I am well turned out. This is important, if I have guests and have been left looking scruffy and uncared for, what does that say about me, or about their work?

I try to be a good employer. Meals and drinks are generally provided, I like to eat a varied diet, and make sure the carers who cook these meals share these with me (all out of my pocket).

There are a few reasons for this: adding a few extra portions won’t brake the bank, but its also an important social exercise. I will always ask the carers for their choices and, more often than not, we eat what they want (unless I really do have my mind set on something!) Similarly, I’ll often let them chose what to watch on the TV in the evening. Even I get tired of space and superhero movies and it does help to extend my horizons bringing new things to my life! I have often really enjoyed watching things I wouldn't normally, or even eating something different. I guess it's like living with a family, you all try and fit in and everyone gets to choose.

One of the big issues, that often come up us is moods. l’m generally a happy person, but I have my dark moments. My team are advised at those times just let me be. I'll work thorough what I need to and I'll come back. This works both ways, I try to notice if my team are tired, sad or worried and give them the space and time to talk about it if they need to. Just like in a family though, if either of us were to go through a long enough patch of bad mental health, it would be for the other to bring it up and see if there’s anything that could be done. There’s always help available if people will reach out.

On days out, coffees, drinks and meals are paid for by myself. They are being made to go somewhere and do something which they wouldn't normally do, and having them sit there while I have a good time doesn’t feel right. Again it's a community thing. Birthdays and special occasions are always celebrated with a small token of gratitude.

Some of my fellow colleagues in similar situations may think I'm a bit soft on my team. Perhaps I am, but I don't want to live in an officious environment. I want to have a life. My team allow me to do that, so why shouldn’t make it easy for them.

Their work is an extension of me, so being too hard on them just makes it harder on myself. I believe that if you put good out there, it will come back to you. If people do treat you unfairly that says more about them than it does you.

That doesn’t mean that anything goes. There is a point and if someone goes over it they I do have to push back. This is usually in cases of gross misconduct, or a loss of trust. I have to deal with this professionally, I won’t hold a grudge.

Overall though a good employer and employee relationship in my view should be seamless. Each is working with the other to act as a whole. The carer adds all the bits that the employer needs to lead a fulfilling life, but, crucially, the employer needs to remember that their carer is human. This means that there will be mistakes and things will go wrong. But as their work is an extension of you, it is a chance for you both to find some forgiveness and work on getting things right. This is why communication is so important. No one likes telling people off, but carers aren’t mind-readers.

For the PA I try to give them a fun, relaxed working environment as best I can. I genuinely care for there well-being and want them to be as happy as possible.

It's not easy and when each one leaves, you have to let go and that's the hardest. In the back of your mind you'll often sit and wonder what are they doing now. I know I don't have all the answers, this is just what works for me, and how I choose to work with people. Reading some posts on sites I know others who are stricter and others who are a lot more easy going. There is no real right or wrong in the end, it's what works best for you. It's particularly difficult for employers of PAs at the moment the scarcity of available workers mean often we have to work with what we have, rather than our ideal candidates. But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t compromises that can benefit both of you.