No engagement without commitment

In life when a couple get engaged, what are they doing? Some say that it’s committing to a relationship. But what’s the commitment? What’s the promise? Is it the old model where the man knows and does everything without involving the partner or wife? Where the spouse stays at home minds the home and that’s the agreement? Seems a bit outdated for the 21st Century? Surely we’ve moved on from that, or have we? Well in life outside work we hope we have. But what about the area you work in, engagement!  Is it any different, should it be any different?

Do you look at your relationships with the public in the old traditional way? Or are you much more up to date? Are you fully committed to your engagement with the public? Is it based on a shared responsibility? Where all partners are engaged and committed to the task or issues properly.

There is a school of thought, in engagement that says it’s to technical and complex for the public they don’t have the knowledge or skills to truly participate or understand how the Local Authority/National health service works. Isn’t this exactly the same as the husband telling the little woman that she’s not capable of understanding man stuff? I thought we'd moved away from that.

There are numerous books out there on relationships, weekly columns in newspapers and magazines telling people how to have happy successful relationships. Experts on TV telling us how to have successful happy families and it’s the one thing that we all want. The one key ingredient in all the advice is always good communication leads to good relationships. Well that’s no secret! But like engagement and relationships, communication takes effort, time, and trust. If you don't have these in an engagement whether with a partner or the general public, trying to engage is futile and a waste of time and effort.

So next time you hold your activities, try and think those things through.

Effort - have you put in the effort to maintaining the relationship? You can't just ask people to sit down and listen when you want them too. Have you brought them along your journey, involved and engaged at all levels. Have you made the effort to help people understand your needs as well as thinking what’s in it for them?

Time - you can't just have an engagement meeting as a one of date night and hope this will improve things or keep things ticking along, you need to spend more time, go back and keep asking what else do we need to do? Also timing is important when are you engaging and how? Is it just a quick note on an email, or straight from walking in after a busy day or do you think about when your spouse or in your case the communities may be most receptive to taking in the information. Do you give enough time for them to think through the proposals and give a proper response or is it make the decision now? 

Trust - I think this is one of the most important issues. If in your past discussions, when talking or engaging with your other half you constantly don't listen, make promises and don’t keep them. Then it’s pointless being engaged, save the money, don’t put a ring on it, because it’s not wanted. Or a couple of years down the road, your other half will question you on why did you bother, when you weren’t committed in the first place. Trust is important and key to all relationships.

So like a relationship in life that leads to engagement, you want to end up with a happy successful marriage. At the end of the day to make it work all parties have to be equally committed. Are you?

After the engagement and pre wedding people often these days write their vows. What would your vows say about your commitment? Does your department even have such vows say in a form of a Charter?